This is for both parents and students. It is important to think through and discuss how to deal with the unique challenges that come with the first weeks of college or university life. For students, you need to know what is ahead and make decisions before you find yourself caught in a situation you wished to avoid. For parents, you have a responsibility to help your son or daughter prepare. You won't be there, and you can't control the decisions that are made, but you can give wisdom and advice. Just one note on tone. Don't come in as the authoritarian. Come in as one who had to deal with the same decisions, temptations, and pressures. But forewarned is forearmed, so here are the pressures we see students dealing with.
These issues need to be discussed before college, but it's important to note that all these issues begin in high school and in some places even during middle school. It would be best to discus them earlier, but make sure it happens before college.
I'm going to start with parties because decisions here can have huge consequences.
You are a stranger when you arrive on campus, and you want that to change as soon as possible. There is a strong social component to the first weeks of school, and parties are part of it. There are many kinds of parties that will go on the first weekends. Their not all bad, and their not all alcohol based. In any case, you need to know what you are getting into.
It's okay to ask about any function you are invited to. What will be going on? What will it cost? Will there be drinking? Where is the activity? How will I get back to campus if I want to leave early? You are investing yourself in this activity, so ask.
It is okay to leave if you are no longer comfortable. Other people should not make major decisions for you. Always have a backup plan so you are free to choose.
To drink or not to drink? Students who have never drunk before are more vulnerable than they realize. The effects of alcohol will be stronger than expected, and they will not be used to effects of impaired judgment. First of the year parties are not the place to experiment. The first parties of the year always result in a number of students being sent to the hospital with alcohol poisoning. This is serious and life-threatening. Every student should know about the effects of alcohol. Don't exaggerate in an attempt to frighten students away from alcohol. Students can sense exaggeration and will dismiss the advice. Instead, just be frank. That will be respected.
Unfortunately, date rape is a real concern on campuses. If you choose to impair your judgment, then you make yourself vulnerable. Also realize that others are trying to impair you. Don't ever lose track of your cup unless you want it spiked with a date rape drug. Don't expect parties to be a source for long-term relationships. The norm today is the one-night hook up. People cruise parties primarily for one night stands. Most barely remember who they slept with the night before and really don't care if they see that person again in any other setting.
That may sound like a harsh over exaggeration, but sexual ethics have changed. Sex is often seen as merely a recreational activity without any greater significance until someday in the far future when marriage is considered.
You don't have to drink. There are many students who just say, "no." in fact the number of recovering alcoholics on campus has grown. Campus based AA groups can be quite large. Most students will respect your decision. It's not politically correct to pressure anyone else. If you are pressured, it is a sign that the person pressuring you is uncomfortable with his or her own activity. Don't let other people's insecurities influence your choices.
Underage drinking is illegal even on campus. There are still consequences when the police are called in. But most of all, is that the situation you really want to find yourself in? There will be many health alternatives where you can build strong friendships, healthy relationships, and not regret what you did the next day.
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